Some Light Relief

The latest poem to be penned by Lord Biro, if you haven't already guessed its about Shane Meadows, film maker from Nottingham

Shane West- Bridgford

Spotty young yobbos
Thieving and fighting
The Observer film critic
finds them “very exciting”.

Jumbo sized Sharons
Chasing council house clowns
Has the middle class queuing
From Broadway to Brownes.

Throw in a sharp dialogue
like “gi us a wank”
And you’ll be laughing like me
all the way to the bank.

I’m off to Provence now
to party and rave
As I fly over Skeggie
I’ll give them a wave.

Lord Biro

Friday 4th May

Got up, had breakfast, sour grapes. Had a bad night because of a rotten pint earlier in the day. Consequently, spent most of the evening in the Harvey Hadden Stadium linging near the bog. When the result came I was bottom of the poll (115 votes), nowhere near UKIP and the Invisible Green. That lazy middle-class swine didn't even turn up on the platform, neither did the Lib-Dems and two of the Labour candidates. To top it all when I got home at 3 am and finally got to sleep I dreamt I was forced onto the floor in Wollaton Park by Tory leader Georgina Culley (2,670 votes) and abused in a most inappropriate way? I've heard of electoral revenge but she's pushed it a bit too far on this occasion.

Still, thank God it wasn't "Soft Dick" or "Corporal Cowan". I wonder where they were? Hopefully chasing Jon Collins and Dave Trimble round the sadly missed toilets of the old Market Square waving their "choppers". Now that would be worth dreaming about. Happy New Basford- the x-candidate for Wollaton!

Thursday 3rd May

Get up and have breakfast, Welsh rarebit and a peach over the road at my friends house. I’m vaguely thinking of going up to Wollaton this afternoon and putting up some of my political artwork on a boarded up shop window on Bramcote Lane but can’t summon up the energy.

I wonder how many votes I’ll get tonight. It would be nice to beat UKIP and the invisible Greens.

Its time to vote for the candidates in my ward (Berridge) I shan’t vote for the Tories but I’ll end today’s blog with a poem and drawing about them.

Wednesday 2nd May

Get up and have breakfast, bread and cheese. Radio Nottingham has been trying to contact me for an interview but every time I ring them I always get a different person, or the person I want to speak to is in a meeting. What a bloody shower, I give up.

Go leafleting in Wollaton, I’ve got my jumpsuit but don’t put it on till after dinner. No body around as usual, I see more squirrels than people. I should have done the Thatcher flyer I took to the Tory conference in Bournemouth last year. “Pickle Maggie and Win the Turner prize (after she’s dead of course). That might wake them up!

Take off my jumpsuit and go in the “Rodney”. Have a pint, then walk down the road, go into a graveyard and put it on again, a most appropriate place. Stroll down Wollaton Vale waving to the homecoming traffic and go in the “Toby Jug” for a pint. That’s its Folks, the campaigns over!

Tuesday 1st May

Get up and have breakfast, muesli and yoghurt. Its ten years since Blair was elected, the media is full of it, his legacy etc. What a bunch of middle-class bores they all are.

Go to Wollaton leafleting, nobody about as usual. I pack up early and go home. That evening me and my treasurer head for the traffic island near the Hemlock Stone pub in Wollaton. I’ve got a big placard “Get Stuffed Teddy Blair”. Stand at the island between 5 and 7 pm, get lots of hoots from cars plus the “finger” from some skinheads. They must be from the Shane Meadows party and have read my sarcastic poem about him in the Evening Post “ Shane West- Bridgford”.

Some young girls take one of my leaflets. “Why don’t you like Tesco?” says one, “It’s the Ultimalte Munchfest”. “Are you mad?” asks another, “It’s better than the crappy old Co-op”. “Its taken over the High street, that’s why I don’t like it”. They saunter off into the Ultimate Munchfestering future, good luck girls!

We trudge to the 19th century front bar of the Admiral Rodney, no Munchfest in here, but I do get two votes, Ah-huh!