Friday 27 April 2007

Friday 27th April

Get up have breakfast, bread and cheese and a cup of tea. Sort out some leaflets and go to Wollaton. Buy the Evening Post on the way, their gossip guide has printed my manifesto piece concerning my call for a National Piles Day on Wayne Rooney birthday. They’ve called me a genius, well it makes a change from being called barmy.

Leaflet round Wollaton Park, “Soft Dick”, “Corporal Cowan”, “Elvis and his Dog” and “George the Gorilla” the stuffed ape from Wollaton Hall, get home about 2pm. The focus team are getting uneasy about the “Soft Dick” leaflets. They are frightened I might get elected and find them a job, no more late morning lie-in’s, lads and lasses!
As I sit there my mind in turmoil, a crumpled piece of paper lands on the carpet. I read it, it’s from Elvis “Dear Dave, forget about small fry like “Soft Dick”, stick to smearing Bush and Blair. Use that photo I sent you recently, I took it from a cloud over the White House using a long distance tele-photo lens. As for Cowan, stick his file in the “john”. That’s the best place for him! Yours, The King. PS. “Jerusalem Elvis” what a tosser! Though I wouldn't mind giving his missus one.
Thanks Elvis, Stuff the local Labour Party, why should I do their dirty work. Peace of mind at last?

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